5/30/09

Mrs. Swanson’s Sweets & Eats Catering Adds Three New Hotdishes to Menu

Mrs. Swanson announced today that Sweets & Eats Catering will be adding three new hotdishes to its menu. In an interview with The Daily Boar, Mrs. Swanson said, "That hoity-toity Betty Thompson ("Cookin' It Up With Betty" TV host) will never be able to compete with my green-bean-kumquat-marshmellow hotdish, no matter what she thinks!"


Mrs. Swanson, lives on her late husband’s farmland rental where she operates her own very successful catering business, Mrs. Swanson’s Sweets & Eats. She specializes in Swedish dishes, pies and candies.

Mrs. Swanson led a very colorful life as a spy for the Eisenhower administration in the early 1950s. She worked undercover, infiltrating the Russian KGB, and single-handedly keeping the cold war cold. She had a child with a Russian agent, but gave the kid up for adoption in 1961.
She met Mr. Swanson, then a second Lieutenant in the Army and eloped with him during his leave to Hawaii. After his discharge, Mrs. Swanson left the spy core to settle down in Sweet Swine County with Mr. Swanson and raise 4 children. Elroy, Emily, Edward and Emma--all of whom mysteriously moved to California in the mid 70’s. Mr. Swanson died in 2000 from clogged arteries from years of eating delicious but fatty foods cooked in butter . He loved every bite and from his death bed made Mrs. Swanson promise to never give into the fanatics and start cooking with canola oil. Mrs. Swanson is passionate about the Minnesota Vikings, softball coaching, the home shopping network, matchmaking and finding herself a new husband to cook for. Mrs. Swanson was Aunt Ella’s best friend and confidant. She is very protective of Aunt Ella’s farm and Urban Katie. She has several boyfriends: Clem Johnson the feed store owner; Lonesome Ron, the traveling singing cowboy, and her secret crush, Sean Connery, the only '007 worth his salt. Mrs. Swanson dresses the timid, country woman part, but can dress to the nines if the occasion calls for it. She is currently working on a deal with the Grandma Smith’s Pie Company to sell her special strawberry rhubarb cobbler recipe. Mrs. Swanson hates her other neighbor, Betty Thompson. Always thought the woman had designs on her husband. Betty always showed up at gatherings uninvited and seemed to linger a little too long at the punch bowl with Mr. Swanson. Mrs. Swanson is distrustful of media, newspapers and mail due to her years in the spy business.

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