11/8/19

The Daily Boar a sometimes daily newspaper reports all the news that the residents of Sweet Swine County want to know! Distributed to all but one (Mrs. Swanson) of the 163 people who live in the county of Sweet Swine. (Mrs. Swanson once received a bad review in it for her Cream of Mushroom Jello Delight hot-dish recipe!) 

 

Owner John Robert Olson (Cousin John) Sweet Swine County's most successful businessman & eligible bachelor was quoted: 'Below you will find HEADLINES from my newspaper and yes some stories/videos provided from my television station KLUK TV. If you want to see all the articles featured you can BUY  "The Daily Boar" at Clem's Feed Store (Home of the Tommy Cornfinger Bib Coveralls) in the Sweet Swine County town of New Pork. You didn't think I would put all the stories on here for free did you?"

 

To learn more about the county of Sweet Swine visit Destination Small Town 

 

 

11/7/19

Shocking Swine Tails Publications tell-all books!


Swine Tails Publications the once popular publisher of county maps and plat books now is home for authors from throughout Sweet Swine County who only wish to shock their citizens with tell-all books! When Sweet Swine Scoop called the offices of Swine Tails Publications for comment, their answering machine said any questions should be directed to Lawyer Ed! See all the books published by Swine Tails Publications below!


















Pig in a Poke Recording Studio's 1st Music Video "Sanity Said Goodbye To Sweet Swine County"


 Bruce Bednarchuk--a Redwood Falls, MN composer, arranger, singer and instrumentalist--who has a summer home at the Swine Song Commune told the The Daily Boar, "After I got to know all the crazy 'characters' in Sweet Swine County, I couldn't help but write this song about them! The lyrics just flowed to me like someone had cast a "hit-song writing spell" on me!" Here you can see the music video done by Earl Silo and featured on KLUK TV's Spit Hoof Tonight.

11/5/19

As the Corn Grows

This zany soap opera tells the story of the citizens of Sweet Swine County who live and love As the Corn Grows. The show gives viewers a tongue-in-cheek look at life inside Sweet Swine County with a lovable cast of characters who bring new meaning to the word, “corny!” Produced by KLUK TV in Sweet Swine County, distributed by Our Story Production/Destination Small Town throughout the
Midwest! Click HERE is see all the episodes!

2/1/17

Learn about life inside the county of Sweet Swine with stories provided by the on-line magazine "Sweet Swine Scoop" Cousin John who won the prestigious magazine in a card game was quoted as saying "Just because you can read about Sweet Swine County on this blog doesn't mean you shouldn't buy my magazine! They can be purchased at Clem's Feed Store! If you can't get there you can read all the stories below, then send me a check!" 

1/1/17

Lola Leftover shares info about the success of the Sweet Swine Museum on The Women of Sweet Swine County



* Eager Citizen-Wannabees Arriving Daily to Take Up Residence at New "Swine Song Commune"

Sweet Swine County resident, Willow Brooks, is elated that bohemian artist-types from around the country are arriving daily to take up residence in her newly formed Swine Song Commune! Willow also heads up the Citizen-Wannabee Committee for the commune. She and a gaggle of commune artists help determine the suitability of wannabee citizens. Brooks said, "Pretty much we're open to anyone who wants to join our community, as long as they are free spirits and into doing their own thing and loving one another and hugging trees and growing herbs. So far, we've had some real winners join us here!"

Sweet Swine Scoop interviewed one of the winners who is:

Lonesome Ron, who recently purchased a cabin on Swine Lake but now has moved it to the Commune. He told Sweet Swine Scoop, "I see this as a great opportunity to work with other believers in the art of yodeling and who like to do it around a campfire!"

Although Sweet Swine County's Poet Lariat, Ronnie Silage, hasn't yet actually moved into Swine Song Commune, when we asked him about having a commune in the county, he told us, "Well, I think it's OK. My grandmother sold her house and moved into a commune -- oh, no, wait! -- that was a condominium. But she loves it. I'll probably love it there, too. If I do move in, my hope is to start up poetry readings where people can be real intelligent and read and write. It wouldn't hurt if they were good at rhyming words, either!"

Look for updates in the The Daily Boar Newspaper and here on the Sweet Swine Scoop about artists moving to Swine Song Commune!

12/31/16

Sweet Swine County's "Legion of Decency Board" Holds an Emergency Meeting

 







A number of notable, decent, well-fed and successful Sweet Swine County citizens who make up the county's Legion of Decency Board called an emergency meeting yesterday at Edie's Cafe. The board's mission is to enforce "The Swine Code" that specifically limits the airing on TV or radio anything considered to be too grossly indecent for county residents. Earl Silo, the board's Vice Treasurer, described The Swine Code this way: "Basically it's a set of rules and codes written by the founders of Sweet Swine County in the 1930s to keep this county "clean" and on the up and up. Those codes have never been broken yet, but when they are, certain people are sure it'll be Betty Thomspon who does it!" It has come to The Scoop's attention that an unnamed county resident (but whom we name in this article because we believe in getting the truth out there!) has recently complained to the board about KLUK's airing programs starring the increasingly infamous Betty Thompson.

It seems that Miss Thompson's conduct on and off the set of KLUK TV's "Cooking It Up With Betty" program has come into question. Recently, the Legion of Decency Board's acting president, Nosy Norma (our unnamed source), was eavesdropping on the conversations of certain KLUK crew members while they dined on beef commercials in Edie's Cafe. Nosy Norma was quoted as saying, "The stories I overheard about Betty undoubtedly prove that she broke many of The Swine Code's codes!"
As this story unfolds further, you'll hear all about it here!

12/28/16

Beware of Falling Bricks at Flat Land High School

Flat Land High School, Sweet Swine County’s only high school, is making plans to shore up its brick walls with more cement and concrete. The high school's former student and County Safety Engineer, Elmer Plow, told Sweet Swine Scoop, "The building is historic and bears some fixing up. Bricks have been falling out primarily because when the the school was built, there was a shortage of masons and cement, so local farmers just stacked the bricks on top each other like Lego blocks. We're paying the price for that now, unfortunately."

“Flat Land High” is home to the sometimes-winning horseshoe team, “Flat Land Prairie Dogs.” Located one mile outside the town of Corn Row, it was built in 1907 when citizens from all over the county donated bricks from their abandoned well houses. The school holds classes every Tuesday and Thursday to prepare students to meet the challenges of life in Sweet Swine County. Many graduates go on to college at Purrdoo University, Sweet Swine County's Institute For Hire Learnin'.

12/21/16

Pluck 'n' Cluck Adds Night Shift!

It was announced today that Hamhock Hollow's premier business, The Cluck 'n' Pluck, will be offering all 9 citizens of the village of High Horse jobs on its newly created night shift. Currently, Pluck 'n' Cluck's day-shift employees commute through High Horse to their jobs at the Cluck 'n' Pluck. The High Horse town council requests that all day-shift employees use County Bypass Road #13 to skirt around High Horse so the newly hired night-shift employees who live there can get some decent day-time sleep.

John Robert Olson (aka Cousin John), is Sweet Swine County's most nefarious ... er ... notorious ... er ... notable entrepreneur. This successful businessman (and eligible bachelor, ladies!), is Chief Editor/Owner of the hugely popular online magazine, Sweet Swine Scoop, as well as the sole owner of The Daily Boar Newspaper, KLUK Television and Radio Station, Sweet Swine's central bank, It Will Be Gone Savings & Loan, along with over 2000 acres of farmland and, of course, the cornerstone of his portfolio, the Pluck 'n' Cluck chicken business.

12/19/16

Will the Temporary Home Serving as the Sweet Swine County Museum Become Permanent?

Sweet Swine Scoop has learned that while some minor renovations hopefully are being made to upgrade the Sweet Swine County Museum, it will temporarily (?) house its renowned collection of Sweet Swine County historical artifacts and memorabilia in downtown Fairmont, MN. The museum has long been a landmark in the town of Split Hoof, but has fallen into disrepair after county poet lariat, Ronnie P. Silage, was hired as caretaker a few years ago (he needed some extra income due to a shortage of sales from his last published book of poetry). When asked why the condition of the museum has deteriorated under his purview, Silage matter-of-factly told Sweet Swine Scoop, "Listen, when I got this job I was told it would only require washing a few windows and sweeping once in a while. Well, I am here to tell you, I found out if you don't keep up with things they can get out of hand real fast!"

Sweet Swine Scoop asked part-time Curator and Museum Director, Mrs. Swanson, how long it would take to move all the precious contents to Fairmont. She replied, "Ja, Ja, I'm working on it! I'm only one person, so this isn't an easy task and might take a while. Ronnie, as you can imagine, is very little help when it comes to things other than writing bad poetry." Sweet Swine Scoop will keep you in the loop when the Sweet Swine County Museum opens in Fairmont.

8/1/16

Talk show host Prairie Ann Smacovich becomes the Gullible Gilt Party nominee for President!




























Prairie Ann Smacovich, the well known co-host of "The Women of Sweet Swine County" is the 2016 Gullible Gilt Party nominee for president. But who is she, perhaps we can learn more by watching the promo of her book "How to be Jealous of Yourself" or by watching her first political ad that has been airing throughout the Midwest!



7/21/16

The 2016 Sweet Swine County Presidental Campaign unfolds on the soap "As the Corn Grows"






Lawyer Ed accepts the nomination as the Comb-Over Party candidate for president!



Sweet Swine County's only lawyer, Lawyer Ed  has been selected as the 2016 Comb-Over Party nominee for president. But what do we know about Lawyer Ed, perhaps we can learn more by watching the promo of his book or by watching his first political ad that has been airing throughout the Midwest!

Earl Silo steps out of his comfort zone to run for president as the Cautious Chicken candidate!!





























Earl Silo sidekick on Sweet Swine's #1 late-night talk show "Split Hoof Tonight" has stepped out of his comfort zone to except the nomination of the Cautious Chicken Party. But what do we know about Mr. Silo, perhaps we can learn more by watching the promo of his book "Earl Steps Out, My Story" or by watching his first political ad that has been airing throughout the Midwest!



11/6/11

Latest Survey Proves Fashion Trends Seen on KLUK TV Programs Are a Hit!

Sweet Swine County's foremost statistical media research agency--The Mealson Ratings Board--has released a report stating that KLUK TV program hosts rank "off the charts" for their trend-setting fashion sense. The Mealson Ratings Board recently surveyed residents throughout Sweet Swine County about the fashion styles worn by hosts on the popular KLUK programs "Split Hoof Tonight," "The Women of Sweet Swine County," and "The Cockelbur Morning Show." County residents ranked Earl Silo's plaid shirts and seed-corn caps, Cousin John's classic suspenders, and Prairie Ann's "giddy-up-prairie-styled"
couture as being "The Hottest Fashion Trends in Today's Sweet Swine County World." Indeed, residents throughout the county are now seen "copy-catting" these same fashions in their own day-to-day attire, making Sweet Swine County on the whole the most fashion-savvy county around! Sweet Swine Scoop joins in giving kudos to KLUK TV's Wardrobe Department for their inventive designs!

Click on the photos above to see many of these award-winning fashion styles worn by your favorite KLUK TV program hosts!

10/5/11

Sweet Swine County Residents Wonder: Is There a Future for "Mrs. Swanson's Sweets & Eats Catering" Business?






The Daily Boar has learned from a reliable source (Nosey Norma the Waitress) that Mrs. Swanson's Sweets & Eats Catering may be about to go under. Mrs. Swanson was enticed by Ronnie P. Silage to invest every single dollar she had into developing his business brainchild: "HOTDISH ON A STICK"! As reported earlier, the half-baked idea went south, and now word has it that Mrs. Swanson is nearly penniless! When asked about the rumor, Mrs. Swanson scoffed, "You can't keep a good hotdish down!" We hope she's right!

9/23/11

Sweet Swine County Park

The park features farm equipment from all over Sweet Swine County as well as donated works of art including:

Bowling Ball Art

A unknown artist has donated two bowling ball metal sculptors to the park. The sculptors are made from recycled metal and with the bowling balls donated from Cow Pie Bowling Alley, this exhibit truly is a green project and sure to be a draw for tourists from all over Sweet Swine County.

Sweet Swine County Museum & Park Director said "We do not know who donated the sculptors but there has been tourists who have told us about other Bowling Ball People that have been seen in Amboy MN!

Groundskeeper Jack(Leafy)Webber when asked about the sculptors said "Well that's two more things to mow around!

The House of Corn

Sweet Swine County’s most popular tourist destination is in the town of High House at the Sweet Swine County Museum & Park. Boasting, at last count, the foot traffic of over 40 people in the last year! This outhouse is made completely out of corn, and was designed by Sweet Swine County’s own interior designer, Dougie Dougan. Though no longer in working order, it is still is visited by tourist from all over the county!

7/4/11

Earl Silo shares the music video of 'Sanity Said Goodbye To Sweet Swine County,' on Split Hoof Tonight!














Bruce Bednarchuk--a Redwood Falls, MN composer, arranger, singer and instrumentalist--is a new citizen of Swine Song Commune! Bruce told the The Daily Boar, "After I got to know all the crazy 'characters' in Sweet Swine County, I couldn't resist writing this song about them! My song, 'Sanity Said Goodbye To Sweet Swine County,' is a perfect reflection of life in the county! Fortunately, Earl Silo agreed to "host" the music video. Earl's THE MAN!"

7/1/11

Sergio Ferleone Named New Program Director at KLUK TV!

KLUK TV owner, Cousin John, has signed Sergio Ferleone as the new Program Director at KLUK TV. Ferleone rose to fame as an infomercial producer/director in the 1980s and will bring that experience to bear in programming entertainments for KLUK. Sweet Swine Scoop has learned three new programs are in the works:
"The Housewives of Sweet Swine County" a remake of "So You Want to be a Farm Hand" and "Sweet Swine County's Got Talent."
Mr. Ferleone told Sweet Swine Scoop: "I'm tickled pink to bring these new shows to the tasteful Sweet Swine County audience!"

The inimitable Sergio Ferleone left Italy at age 18 and, in the style of a lower-class Columbus, sailed on a Merchant Marine vessel to America where he believed he would find fortune and fame. Ultimately making his way to the West Coast to pursue his love of show-biz, Sergio landed a gig working in Hollywood with Stephen Squealberg on the short film, “Car Wars.” He was hired as the Assistant to the Assistant Grip for that award-winning film, as proven by the one-tenth-of-a-second his name appeared in the credit roll. Shortly afterwards, Sergio somehow catapulted into a position as an infomercial director for the shady inventor and producer of the product show, “Got To Have It”—Harry Willetmaker.

Sergio directed a series of infomercials for Mr. Willetmaker until an investigation was launched by the Federal Trade Commission to investigate allegations of “fake and worthless product hawking on infomercials.” “Got To Have It” and Mr. Willetmaker were soon named by the FTC in a suit against product fraud. In the suit, Sergio Ferleone was listed as “a person of interest in the crime of selling worthless crap.” Although Sergio was in the midst of a tumultuous love affair with the lead actress of the “Got To Have It” infomercials—Urban Katie—he nonetheless fled back to Italy, all the while proclaiming his innocence. When Urban Katie moved from L.A. to Sweet Swine County, Sergio, to Katie’s chagrin, followed her from Italy. Sergio is trying to romance Katie once again since he has ensconced himself in Sweet Swine County, and into the lives of the all-believing residents there. Trusting in his directorial talent, Cousin John hired Sergio to be the new Creative Director at KLUK TV. The intrigue never ceases! Sergio now has been seen plotting with Daniel, Cousin John’s twin brother. Hang onto your seed-corn caps, we’re in for a bumpy ride as more events unfold in Sweet Swine County! 

6/19/11

Famous Country Artist Billy Kruse Sings New #1 Hit "As the Corn Grows" on KLUK TV's "Women of Sweet Swine County"

Billy Kruse--the first super famous country singer to take up residency at Swine Song Commune--wrote "AS THE CORN GROWS"--now a #1 hit on the country chart in Sweet Swine County! You've got to hear it!

6/4/11

John Robert Olson (Cousin John) Named Sweet Swine's Citizen of the Year!


Cousin John, who parlayed his father’s fortune to include KLUK Television & Radio Station, It Will Be Gone Savings & Loan, The Daily Boar Newspaper, Sweet Swine Scoop Magazine, Horse Fly Inn, over 2000 acres of farmland, and the Pluck-'n-Cluck chicken business has been named Sweet Swine's Citizen of the Year.

Following the announcement, when interviewed by Sweet Swine Scoop, Cousin John said, "Well, I have to tell ya that this is a big honor, although I wasn't overly surprised to hear I'd won. At breakfast at Edie's Cafe the other day, I overheard waitress Nosey Norma sayin' that I was slated to be the recipient. She'd picked up the skinny after an evening of "pillow talk" with one of the Citizen of the Year board trustees!"


5/29/11

Lawyer Ed's Private Life EXPOSED by Sweet Swine Scoop

As the youngest of three children of Harold and Ethel, Lawyer Ed grew up in a family that had long been prominent members of society. His father was the senior partner in Mortimer, Mortimer and Snout, the most prestigious (and only) law firm in Sweet Swine County.

In high school, Lawyer Ed hankered after Aunt Ella. She hankered back. The pair was so popular, they won the coveted King and Queen titles at the Senior High Prom. The year book tagged them as, “Most likely to stay together for all time.”

At Flat Land High School, Ed starred in each and every school drama production. To his father's chagrin, Lawyer Ed's drama teacher encouraged that he follow his artistic ambitions upon graduating from high school. Ed rebelled against his father’s wishes that he become a lawyer, and announced that he was heading for Hollywood with his wooden duck, “Quackers” (a gift Aunt Ella gave him) to pursue a career as a ventriloquist.

The marriage so widely prophesied in the high school year book was not to be. Ed and Ella parted ways when Ella, though heart-broken, couldn’t bring herself to leave Sweet Swine County and the farm she loved. Teary-eyed, Ed took off alone for the bright lights of Sunset Strip (Route 66).

After several years of failed auditions and eeking out a living in dark, smoke-filled ventriloquist clubs, Ed (and Quackers) returned to Sweet Swine County--hat in hand--and enrolled in law school at Purrdoo University (PU), where he graduated top of his class of three. Ed became legal counsel for his lost love Aunt Ella, hoping to rekindle their relationship. Unfortunately, she died before much could happen on that front.

To fill the void after the death of Aunt Ella, Ed proposed marriage to anyone he met who had the name, Ella. Several failed Ella-marriages later, Lawyer Ed lives alone with Quackers.

Lawyer Ed now suffers from vision problems, after an unfortunate running-with-scissors accident. One of his eyes was affected--he forgets which one that is. "But one is definitely affected," he tells Sweet Swine Scoop.

In the early 1990s, Lawyer Ed started a highly successful Internet hair-loss club for men called, "The Comb-Over Society." He has attracted such high profile members as Donald Tramp, Bruce Wills and Ted Dancer.

To see all the stories and reality-biting video clips on Lawyer Ed click here


5/5/11

Split Hoof Tonight's "Billy Gaits & the Broken Windows Band" admit they're actually a lip-sync band!

The Daily Boar has learned Split Hoof Tonight's house band "Billy Gaits and the Broken Windows" admits they were previosly know as "The Lip-Synchers" Swine Song Commune's most successful band, The band that took Sweet Swine County by storm in the mid-1980s "The Lip-Synchers" broke up when lead lip-syncher, Buster Jones (The Big Porker), insisted that fellow bandmates accept his girlfriend (Betty Thompson) into the band. After a much-publicized fight ensued over the choice of lip-synching song titles, The Big Porker left the band in a lippy huff to pursue a solo career in Europe. Differences have been ironed out, and all the original Lip-Synchers, including Betty Thompson, reunited and formed The Billy Gaits and the Broken Windows Band. They did not share with Split Hoof Tonight that they were actually a lip sync act.When the Daily Boar asked host Cousin John for a comment Cousin John was quoted as saying "OH CRAP!